You're only going to get what you give away, so give love.

I've been thinking a lot lately... ...what am I passionate about??? What is it that burns inside me? I know there's something.... ....I had to say some stuff in front of my church this weekend about all the crazy cool stuff that is going on with the love stuff, but I feel like I'm not clearly portraying the passion that's behind the cause.... ....why is this? What the heck is keeping all of me bottled up?? When I leave those situations I'm like, Dang, I should've said this and that and the other... ...but I didn't so it's just one more missed opportunity to show my heart... bummer. I want people to feel it deep within them, just my complete resolve to change the world.

I guess one of the major issues is that I feel like I'm trying to hide my past... ...in the name of self preservation... does this make sense? One of my half of authority doesn't see the importance in sharing where I've been... ...but when people ask me to share my testimony I feel like I'm without one... I think that's probably a big thing... I feel like if I were really me, people wouldn't like me soooo much that I can't be honest. That's stupid and it sucks. Anyway, the only reason I feel like we need to change the world in love is because I know that I was fully alive in Christ and seated in the old covenant... if that makes sense.... it's like I thought if I just did everything perfect I would be okay. It was like I didn't even need Jesus to get me to Heaven... it's like I sorta make my own way into heaven.... ....see that's really bad. But once I fell into sin, see I HATED homosexuals... I really did, bad. I was so homophobic that it was ridiculous... wouldn't even be in the same room... seriously.

Anyway, so when I became my own worst enemy it's like I realized my need for love, and my need for a savior. Because honestly in my opinion all homosexuals were going to hell. There was no mercy... isn't that so funny? Now I sing in the key of mercy. Everything I do is dripping in mercy because before I was cultivating an "I-told-you-so" doctrine, where I would inevitably speak out the judgments that would come true and I became justified in my sayings... how sick is that?? Anyway... ...that's my passion... dude if you're going to say something bad, well keep your crap to your freaking self because behind the sin is a potential brother and sister- there's a person. A person that needs help because they don't understand love. Every sin is simply a love deficit. Anyway. That's what I believe. I think the movie Bambi is right when it says, "If you aren't going to say something nice... ...don't say anything at all.

I'm all rambled out.