Can you tell me how we got into the situation?

So, I'm sure you've had plenty of time to swallow since my last post. Didn't think it'd be so intense, did you? Well. Desperate times call for transparent measures. Really, honestly; with everything that's going on and will go on involving me and changing the world "In the name of Jesus" I'm going to be thrown under the bus... and well I wanna put myself there before I have a chance to be thrown. :smile:

So, here I go; I'm laying down.
I can tell you that the past few years have been hell... ...no emotional stuff involved. Even if my heart would've remained intact it would've been hell and it's because that's where I was headed. Maybe not fully, I'm not and will never fully be convinced that I would've ended up in hell, but just having the Lord really, really close and then not even being able to approach Him is probably the closest thing to hell that I'll know. Who knows, maybe that's the reality of hell. Every tongue confessing every knee bowing to His Lordship and the reality of Him and then being dispersed depending on your heart's relationship toward Him. Wow, what a sobering thought. You meet the most incredible man in the history of men only to realize that you've been bamboozled you're whole life with lies. Jesus, mercy.

Anyway, that was not supposed to condemn anyone.


I guess, my mistake was the greatest thing that could've ever happened to me. I learned a lot. I learned what love is, but I found mostly by experiencing first hand what love ISN'T. You ever think about Corinthians 13 where the Paul says, "Well, love is patient, love is kind... ...but here's a huge list of things that love isn't." Love is defined more by what it's not than what it is. This thought still perplexes me. Anyway. Ramble.

So, what now?
Well, I've never sinned a day in my life!
It says once we're forgiven He puts that stuff as far as the east is from the west.... that's a pretty long ways. So, I'm clean, and I've never sinned. That's incredible. Probably the best thought ever. That I can approach Him at the end of my life and be found faithful. Yes!! But you know what else? I carry with me a story that will release a measure of grace to those that struggle. See because I know a girl that was stuck in homosexuality, lost and saying every night, "What in the world is going on... ...what is truth?? I just want to be really loved." But the man Jesus, using others' harsh unkind words and forceful shoves, showed His love to this girl and she has never been the same, and will never be. She's overcome and has life abundantly. Isn't that an incredible testimony? I think so.

After all; we're only human. Fighting what we're feeling, hurt instead of healing. After all...