The first of twenty-one.

So here it is... ...the inevitable blog. The very existence of me in the cyber-space realm. What do I say to open it up? A joke? Some sort of, "It was a cold and blustery evening."? If only I had some sort of professional narrator to spice up the words I'm about to type. I think if I had a choice it would be William Shatner. I'd love to have Captain Kirk-esque accent complimenting my random, deep, and sometimes awkwardly honest thoughts. Anyway. What's the point of this whole deal, besides of course verbalizing transparency?? I dunno, but I'm hoping that somewhere in the breakdown of my life someone will be able to glean some sort of wisdom.. ..or really an 'lol' would suffice.

I know it seems all too predictable, but recently my life has been absolute hell. It's ridiculous. Incredible actually... ...just different, lol. I don't know who all will be reading this, but here is a small run-down on the goings on in my life.

• I'm starting a movement called the Love Revolution that will inevitably change the world
• I'm on staff full-time at the house of prayer which involves my salary being donation-based.
• My family is losing our house - being foreclosed on actually. Homeless.
• My dog and I will be facing foreclosure as well when the move happens.
• Then just life. Dealing with the effects of previous lifestyle decisions.

So there it is.. ..watch it now.

Anyway, the last bullet is probably the big one right now. I've never had a hard time changing my mind, but changing my heart.. ..yeah it's impossible. So I'm like, "Lord...". It's good though, I'm learning a lot about how much I suck and how dark my heart really is. It's so incredible that even in this second the Lord calls me dark, yet lovely. He doesn't minimize my darkness... He just says, "Yeah, but that's lovely to me." That's awesome. I still don't really get it.. ..but I want to. What now. What is really going on, on this first of twenty-one?? I guess I'm just really learning that I'm broken and that's beautiful as long as I remain vulnerable in my brokenness.

I suppose I should elaborate.
I don't really know anything about love.. ..the one person I ever loved with what I would call "ever-lasting love" uh, well was completely sin-based and really the furthest from everlasting... ...especially cuz it ended, lol. Now I have a few friends that I love and there are just a couple from that few that I truly love as best as I even know how and even that is still selfish at times. So, how can I start a love movement??? I have nothing I feel. I'm just stepping out hoping that the Lord uses me like Abraham and Moses. Anyway. That's just honest. I feel really broken and humbled. I guess in the midst of this crisis of self everything else I should really be freaking out about sorta has faded. This is the real big issue for me. Abiding in identity and love. But not any one person's thoughts and emotions, but the King of Kings... you know? I know that sounds crazy... ...you're like "You are looking from affirmation from someone that you can't even see??" Well, yep, it's true. It's the ONLY reality. I believe it. I can prove it... ...just read on.

Here's the cool part, I can actually get the Lord Jesus to come into your situation, all you gotta do is just keep reading... ...you can really tangibly feel Him. Not that I'm trying to convert you or anything... I'm just going to prove to you His Lordship.

King Jesus, I ask that right now you step into the room with everyone reading this. That they would instantly feel your presence and your heart toward them. Amen.

SEE HE IS REAL! I TOLD YOU.

Anyway, that's all for day one.
I think I will ramble more sensically tomorrow.