Jesus is incredible.
Today has been such a good, good day.
I can't really describe. Well I suppose I could.
Anyway, I love where I am. It's a tender place with the Lord. It's reality. If everyone left I'm completely satisfied in my identity in Him. But He's teaching me to be able to receive from people those things that I expect people to receive from me. Breaking down layers of pride.
I love being broken. Jesus just rides in on me. Not because of anything I've done, I just avail myself to him. Man, I love Him. I really do. It's like He's my only reason. The reason I wake up in the morning. Tonight was really incredible. To be completely honest, I allowed myself to come under condemnation; it's such a pile of crap. Lies. Stupid. Aargh. But, I believed them. I owned them. The reality is, is I am so used to judging by people's hearts you know? And what there character tells me there heart would pick, but I don't exactly think that anyone else could possible look past my actions and see my heart. It's a bummer. But I'm learning. Remaining humble [hopefully] and transparent.
Recently I've met someone that just blows my mind. She makes me think like no one else. Our hearts are running after the same thing. It's just really incredible. I feel like I'm finally at the right place at the right time, doing the right thing. I so badly want to make sure that I follow Jesus, say the right things; with the right heart, you know? Not to impress her, but because I legitimately care about this friendship and sustaining it. Like, it's crazy. You know kindred spirits? Yeah, I think that's what it's like. God is teaching me so much. I'm just so humbled and thankful. I haven't had this close of a friend probably ever, really. It blows me away. I'm like, "Seriously?? We're friends?? What the heck??" Anyway.
God's really breaking my heart for Drake Campus. Breaking my heart for Intervarsity. Breaking my heart for Amy. It's wild. It's supernatural, really. I adore these people. Everyone knows I'm a signs and wonders junkie, I love healing- I love Holy Spirit- but all I want is for these kids to understand that Jesus radically loves them. That that's why He heals. That's why He saves. That's why He delivers. He's jealous after those things that keep us from fully abandoning ourselves to Him. Even in my life. I've been learning what it looks like to lay my life down. It's humbling. It's different. It's an adventure. It's messy and sometimes my pride rears it's ugly head. Sometimes I don't see God's eye-view. Sometimes I'm hard headed. But I'm praying, Jesus let me be pliable in your hands! Keep me low and humble, but confident and powerful! I wanna walk in fullness.
Doors are opening. Things are happening. I love it.
I can't believe that even in this time, I can bless people.
I dunno. I just wanna remain humble.
I don't want anyone thinking that it's the "Ashley show"
I want to be a vessel to put Jesus on display.
God, let me show my heart!
Anyway, everything is incredible.
even in the midst of disappointment.
People are getting healed.
I'm hearing His voice.
SOZO is coming.
I'm going to change the world. Even if it looks like a life laid down.
I'm dedicated to loving the one in front of me.
I'm really lucky for the ones that are in front of me daily.
So much wisdom.
I feel like I owe them everything.
They make each day worth living for.
They add value. It's family. I love it. I've never had it.
Anyway. It's late. I need to go.
Yea... wow. I wish I could tell you how on you are. This is so what it's about. What life is really about. I've seen so many people just lose the reality here, that things become churched and cliche instead of vulnerable and honest and real, and with that goes the raw power to change people's lives. They don't want a preachy answer they want somebody to be real with them and care.
ReplyDelete:) You will change the world Ashley, you already are.